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Queer Friendship in My 30s
During my trip to Nepal last fall, I discovered that I was ready to comingle with others and to build vulnerable connections with my community in a way that I never had before. After the trip ended, I felt afloat without a sense of community or belonging, but a clear desire to become more involved in my network of friends, acquaintances, colleagues, and cohorts.
With the time to reflect deeply on my life, I came to grips with this deep loneliness I’d ignored and brushed aside, in favor of the golden trifecta of capitalist hetero-patriarchal success: marriage, kids, career. I realized that the quality of my friendships and connections with others did not reflect my needs or my identity. I’d been so withdrawn and closed off, and so others were withdrawn with me. When I got home from Nepal, I immediately began to ruthlessly strip away anything that seemed superficial or an impediment to meaningful connection, including social media, for a time.
I began with a blank slate. I made a short list of friendships that I wanted to consciously nurture, cultivate, and deepen, if the other person was willing. I left myself open to overtures from others by writing a short list of qualities I wished new friends would have, to keep at the forefront of my mind.
Now I’m navigating this strange land of conscious friendships in my thirties, and digging deeply into…
